Leave Things The Way They Are
Let the tension go a bit and discover that life is beautiful as it comes to you. You don’t always have to be in control. Accept what is and let it be the way it wants to be. This way you will find quiet and peace.
We are never really in control
Control is always an illusion. Even though we are trying our best to experience the feeling of being in control, we continuously reach the conclusion that we don’t have control over life.
It is nice to have the feeling that you are in control of things. It increases your self-confidence and adds structure to your life. Still it can be just as nice to let go a little bit of the tension, to discover that you don’t have to be responsible for everything in your life.
Stop with wanting to control everything, and start with appreciating and accepting. Dare to regularly leave things the way they are. This will give you peace, freedom and (oddly enough) a feeling of control.
Life is the way it is
In our previous article Why Good and Bad Don’t Exist, I have explained why the concepts of good and bad and the way we apply those, are only our own projections on reality. Nothing is good or bad. Things are, and that is all you can say with any resolution.
The Dutch version of this article started some discussion, because not everybody is able to frame their thoughts around this philosophy. Still it is worth it to think about it, because this form of acceptance can change your life.
As soon as you stop fighting and start accepting, you live from a different basis. “I am too fat” changes into “I am the way I am, and I think that’s fine“, and that huge problem which has been tormenting your life for months will change into an event without any meaning. You more or less take a step back and view the events in your life objectively and without passing judgment.
A visitor to soChicken known as ‘L.’ who commented on the aforementioned Dutch version of the article, aptly summarized the essence:
“Certain events might not be timed right for you (having to wait in a queue), hurt you (somebody says something which makes you feel unappreciated) or do not fit with what you had expected (your lover dumps you), and of course it is OK to have an opinion about that. The point is not all that you are not allowed to have an opinion anymore. But it is indeed liberating and it alleviates stress to realize that, that is “your” opinion. There may be things you don’t see – you might meet the love of your life by waiting, it’s a good thing that loser dumped you before you got children together, that hurting remark is the cause for a meaningful conversation that deepens your friendship. That things are the way they are, relieves stress and frees you from picking your brain about it.”
Learning to let go gives you more control
Oddly you can get more in control of your life by giving up control. When you have the ability to observe the events from a distance, you no longer will be dragged along in the daily emotional roller-coaster.
You decide for yourself when you would like to go along with the feelings which accompany those events. You could choose to completely get sucked into the moment when you experience something nice, and take a bit more distance when you experience something you like less.
Events will only get the meaning you put onto them. Yo can make nice things even nicer, and annoying things less annoying. This way you will get more control over your feelings.
Learn of your life
Many people view their lives are their mentor. And indeed, events in your live can be viewed as life lessons.
Because we people keep repeating the same behavior over and over again, we often experience the same problems. When you view your life as your mentor, you will see these problems as lessons. Life will keep continuing these lessons until you have learned your lesson.
It might be so that over and over again you have the same problems at work. It doesn’t matter where you end up, there is always somebody who will make you feel inferior. It seems as if the same person keeps coming back in different appearances, and each time again you feel miserable. In this case life tries to teach you that you should have more self confidence. You shouldn’t let your self esteem be dependent on your co-workers.
When you view the events in your life as things of which you can learn, suddenly nothing is either good or bad anymore. Things happen in this case, so you can learn from it. When you choose to not learn this lesson that’s OK, because this lesson will be repeated until you understand the message. When you choose to learn, than you will grow and a new lesson shall be presented.
Feeling more free will make your life easier
You don’t always have to change everything. You can leave your life the way it is, and simply accept this. Everything has its own beauty, even the things which are not perfect. Wabi Sabi is what they call this in Japan. Learn to let go of control every now and then, sit back and observe how life presents itself to you. Do not put judgment on it, but try to learn.
Accept that life sometimes is fun, and sometimes has disappointments and sadness. All feelings are allowed. However, don’t let yourself be dragged along, but observe these events and feelings for what they are.